Weak

man, my faith is weak. this whole haiti thing really highlighted that. our really good friend ashley is in haiti, working for an orphanage in port au prince. she is a nurse. when she left, we prayed together for direction and that God would reveal to her why she was there. then this happens. here is where the weak part comes in

i was at a deli. cnn was on. i saw the live footage. the talk of decimation. my heart sank. all i could think of was the san fran earthquake in 1989. that it was 6. something. how can a third world nation survive a 7.0? with thousands reported dead already, what are the odds she survived? how will we find out? i imagined all lines of communication were down, and even if they were, i knew her heart and mind were with helping as many people as she could. i became instantly angry. no huge revelations. doubt people have struggled with for centuries. the why's and hows. i began asking God, did you really bring her there just to kill her? whats the point? where is kindness and mercy in destroying a nation? i felt so far away...

then we find out she's ok. that she helped set up and is practically running a clinic there. her skills as a nurse absolutely invaluable now. did He bring her there for this? seems the inevitable conclusion.

i repent of my anger, my lack of faith. i still have so many hows and whys, as do so many countless others right about now. but i seek in prayer none the less.